Making swears!

Okay, let's assume that you think swearing is okay for grownups in certain appropriate contexts (like showing strong emotion or making a rhetorical point). You think saying "what the freak" or "eff that" is not hellworthy. And, obviously, words like "stupid" and "sucks" are totally licit for like 99% of the adult English-speaking world.

Okay, let's assume these are my thoughts.

So WHY oh why do I have a very strong intuition that I would NOT like to hear my four-year-old say, "This is so freaking stupid"? I would be . . . sort of horrified, actually.

Is this because
(a) it's just an arbitrary cultural/societal thing and this would cause other parents to judge me
(b) there is something inherently unnatural about children using strong language (if so, explain)
(c) small children should be discouraged from having strong (negative) opinions about things (if so, explain)
(d) there actually IS something unsavory about semi-profane language and we just notice it more when innocent children imitate our deplorable behavior (if so, explain)
?

And the follow-up: Is there like some sort of cutoff age for being allowed to swear? All I know is, all my life I wasn't allowed to say "sucks" and then, one day, I tried it for the fiftieth time and found that I was.

I waver between thinking there is just something totally wrong with a child using oaths (minced or otherwise); and then thinking that maybe I ought to deny my American-Puritanical instincts and simply teach my children that there are appropriate and inappropriate times and places and ways to express how you feel, but not to shy away from strong emotions.

I don't know why I care because I'm years away from having children, let alone ones who can verbalize opinions, but it's just funny to think about.

Civil marriage still matters, one

I was once a strong believer in marriage. It took my experience with my divorce to forever change that view.... I actively counsel young people NOT to marry now.... The entire concept of marriage today should be scrapped. There should be no government involvement into your personal life. The governments’ involvement is the reason why the consequences of a failed marriage are so devastating. - NYT comment, October 24, 2009

Marriage used to mean "forever". With more and more marriages ending in divorce, it's not the security it used to be. As long as you love each other, living together can be just as good. You are no more or less committed to each other for the lack of the ring and paper. Some people though, still think of marriage as the only way to show the outside world that you are serious about your commitment to each other. - posted response to "I don't believe in marriage, is that weird?", 2005

More and more people say they don't "believe in marriage," by which I guess they mean they don't see the point, or don't think the point is a valid one. I know someone who's married and still says he doesn't believe in marriage. He and his wife just did it to please their families, he says. And with cohabitation almost a complete norm now, it does kind of make you wonder what difference it actually makes.

Something occurred to me today---not for the first time---which is, that gays and lesbians who fight for the legalization of same-sex marriage are on to something. I mean, they understand something about the uniqueness and sanctity of marriage, even if they don't believe in its traditional definition. The whole premise is that "committed relationship" or even "civil union" does not equal "marriage." And I thought, if it came down to it (in the land of Suppose), as a Christian, I'd definitely choose legalizing same-sex marriage over no marriage at all. (No comment on my actual position on gay marriage. Ask me another time.)

I wonder, if we were ever faced with the prospect of the abolition of civil marriage, whether Christians would know how or why to even defend it. There may be all kinds of religious reasons to marry, but those are of no consequence to a non-religious state. There are tax benefits and all that, but why do those exist in the first place? Why is my relationship status anybody's business, let alone the government's? Is it just a social game we play to validate our commitment to others?

I think there are good reasons for civil marriage. Some of them I'll give and you'll probably write them off as being religious reasons in disguise; but I don't know any other place to base my thinking than on what I believe to be true. And anyhow, marriage has always been a weird, well, marriage of the civic and the spiritual, both intensely personal and thoroughly communal.

And on that note . . . more later.

We believe.

We believe in one God, the Father, the Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen.

We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ, the only son of God, eternally begotten of the Father, God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God, begotten, not made, of one being with the Father. Through him all things were made.

For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven: by the power of the Holy Spirit he became incarnate from a virgin, Mary, and was made man. For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate; he suffered death and was buried. On the third day he rose again in accordance with the Scriptures; he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son. With the Father and the Son he is worshipped and glorified. He has spoken through the Prophets.

We believe in one holy, worldwide, apostolic Church; acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins; look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come.

Do you?

Wacky Wednesday

Another long Wednesday begins, guys. I just realized I have to leave here in about 5 minutes, so I should probably be putting my shoes on instead of blogging. Hold on.

Okay, just got on the Red Line. No, no, there isn't wi-fi on CTA---that's hilarious---but I'll just post when I get to school. It's a gorgeous day, for once this fall, and I am ecstatic whenever the sun is out.

Speaking of which, have you ever noticed how often Californians obsess about the weather? I'm thinking of Southern Californians specifically. Whenever I call home, they make it a point to tell me that it's either too hot or too cold, too rainy, etc. I just do the equivalent of nodding on the phone. I think they forget where I live. But really, I don't want to hear about how it's in the low 60s and cloudy. Sorry.

So anyway, I'm on the Red Line, which is the long part of my verylong CTA commute to school. And it kinda smells, which is not uncommon. Specifically, I will be in this smelly Red Line car for about 50 minutes, or 25 stops, or approximately 130 blocks (16 miles), to contribute to my total commuting time of about an hour and a half.

It's not so bad, though. I get used to the smell, sometimes. It probably smells worse than I think it does, but I'm blessed with a very low-functioning olfactory sense. Count your blessings, one by one. You can get reading done. For school, or more often, the Red Eye, which is this free daily that's about two steps above a tabloid and absolutely everyone reads---it's fabulous. And you see some very interesting people. Nobody stays on as long as I do, though; it's a whole new train by the time I get off. So if I accidentally do something embarrassing at the beginning of my train ride, by the end, no witnesses remain! Which is excellent.

As you can probably tell, I'm just trying to make the time go by faster. But look, I'm already at Addison. Hello, Wrigley Field. Hello, yuppies with your iPods. Is this getting pathetic yet?

Um, let me see. What else? My mom is coming to visit in a couple weeks, along with one of our family friends. What else? We're hosting a girl from Greece at our apartment all next week. Semi-long story. What else? We're having a party this Friday. Yup.

I have class today from 11:30 to 1:30 (assuming I make it on time, which I'm thinking I won't. Thanks CTA), and then I get to read or work on something productive, then more class from 3 to 5:30 (Bulgarian syntax! I get all the luck, don't I?). And then I get to go home to Kevin . . . after an hour and a half commute . . . and eat pizza and make lemon pudding. Hurray.

Yum yum yum.

Have I really not posted since September 28? Time really flies when you're a newlywed preoccupied with home furnishings and half-pretending school totally isn't happening again this year.

Oh yeah, and cooking. That's my third procrasti-job (along with procrasti-cleaning and procrasti-decorating). I cook a lot, as in often. And I often read about cooking. And not just about cooking, but food--how, where, and what to buy, and even how, where, and what to eat.

For many of my favorite food writers (and for our budget), the answer to "where?" is most often "at home." Which puts me in major control of the "how?" and "what?" questions. This is both scary and satisfying.

Growing up, there were a few basic assumptions about food that I didn't even know I had until much later. And now those assumptions have been kind of challenged, and I've kinda been (and am continually being) reprogrammed. Assumptions like these:

- You eat everything on your plate.
- Complete meals include meat.
- If something says "low fat," it's good for you.
- Eating at home is boring, and going out to eat is fun.
- Food comes from the store.
- Cooking is basically mixing a bunch of stuff together and heating them up.
- Cooking "from scratch" is way too time-consuming.
- Cooking is a chore.

Things I totally don't believe now, especially the last one. Cooking is a form of procrastination for a reason: it's seriously de-stressing and satisfying--you can share with other people, and there are immediate rewards for a job well done. :]

Anyway, I hope to post more often about my culinary exploits and the deep thoughts I sometimes have about the way we eat and what spiritual significance, if any, food and especially home-cooked food may have. I know; I can't leave anything alone.

Ciao.

Morning by morning

I had my first of ten long Wednesdays this quarter. I found out it's going to get a little longer. I have a headache, I had to deal with three customer service counters at three different stores, and I lost a gift receipt so now I'm stuck with the item I was going to return.

Plus, that dumb couch is still in our stairwell until Monday.

But all in all, God has been really gracious to us in our first few weeks.:

- We ordered a digital camera from Target. UPS said they delivered it on Thursday at 2:02 p.m., but I was home all day Thursday and checked at 2:40. No camera. No camera all weekend, either. Finally, I called UPS, who told me to call Target, who gladly gave us a refund! I was so happy that I ordered a new camera right away. Good service is helping the customer in ways you're not obligated to.

- I also put a note by our mailboxes on Sunday, explaining that we were missing a package. 24 hours later, our missing camera showed up inexplicably. I have no idea who had it from Thursday to Monday, but I don't care. We'll square things with Target when we receive the second camera.

- We couldn't get our DSL to work, so after a runaround with customer service over the phone, they had to send out a tech. Not only did the guy show up early in the day so I didn't have to wait forever, but he was very patient (even when our building engineer was being kind of a jerk), explained that someone should have informed us our phone lines weren't connected, and in the end, didn't even charge us!

- Okay, so living on the third floor of a walkup can be a serious pain. But, it's also GREAT to have a little more sunlight, and nice to know you can leave the windows open and be reasonably sure nobody's going to break in.

- Being newlywed means practically living off of giftcards and Bed Bath and Beyond coupons. Score.

- I discovered the BEST neighborhood supermarket literally three blocks away. Amazing produce, amazing butcher counter, amazing prices. And all kinds of different people. Morse Fresh Market, I think I love you.

- I was able to start tutoring (one student) again right away and that's going really well. Also, Kevin has been getting plenty of hours at work, which is a bit of a pleasant surprise since we really didn't know how that would go.

- Kevin and I have been getting along really well. No wanting to kill each other, no arguments yet even. I know there will be harder times, but I hope I always remember how happy I am right now just to be living with my husband and seeing him every day.

It's the little things, you know? And I'm thankful for them.

And as for the couch, pray our neighbors don't show up at the door with torches and pitchforks.